BariatricEating.com Health & Nutrition
Rant - Angelina and Brad
I am doing something a little different this month as I wrote a passionate
post on my message board this morning intending to use it as my 'rant'
for this month... but two of the posts eclipsed my post and made it twice
as strong. These two wonderful women from my message board made me think
about myself in a very different way. I would like you to read all of
our thoughts on the subject. I thank them for letting us into minds but
mostly their souls.
-SM
One of the things I have noticed is that most of us, although proud of our total pounds lost, are embarassed by the way our bodies look.
'How many pounds did you lose?'
'165... YAY!'
'You look amazing... you have done such a great job!'
'Yeah, BUT look at my stomach, how much skin... look at my thighs, they are huge.'
This is a typical conversation when I meet a post op.
I want everyone to think about their body for a minute. What is a body supposed to look like? I just went though yesterdays mail and there was a Bloomingdales sale book with lingerie. Is THAT what we are supposed to look like? Long skinny torsos... no thighs... miles of leg... long necks. We know that those bodies are not normal... but why the negative self talk about our body?
Look around at the other people at Target today... is that what a body looks like? More so than the catalog models, right? We seem to understand this, so why the hatred for our arms and legs and tummies?
Are we abnormal in thinking this way? I know a beautiful fourteen year old girl who wont wear a bathing suit. She is slim, not SKINNY, but healthy and vibrant. She wears shorts and a tshirt at the beach because her father and grandfather have told her over and over that she is fat. She is another eating disorder or victim of low self esteem in the making? She is being taught to loathe her body and herself.
When I hear little groups of post ops talk at events, when they are finished ripping themselves apart, they turn on each other and criticize the levels of thinness or lack thereof attained by others in the room. 'Sure he lost over 300 pounds but he is still fat.' 'Look at the size of her thighs.' 'I bet she never got to goal.' 'She doesn't weigh 152!' Not only do we hold ourselves to a higher and unrealistic standard... but we do it to each other too! What is a woman who used to weight 300 pounds supposed to look like... what is our reality? What is a man who used to weigh 450 pounds supposed to look like? We know that weight is the fastest way to judge, the easiest way to hurt someone; because we allow it to hurt us. We often use it as a sword in the way it has been used on us. I hear it all the time used as a slam in our community. Rather than saying 'Hey... she lost over 200 pounds', we look at the 30 pounds of skin... or the 50 left to go! How is it possible for ANYONE who has lost 150 pounds to look awful? Who on earth are we comparing ourselves and our friends to? Ask yourself what 165 pounds looks like... what 146 pounds looks like... what 173 pounds looks like... what does 219 look like? It doesn't look like Angelina Jolie, or Jennifer Anniston, or George Clooney, or Brad Pitt.
Look at yourself in the mirror today and really look at the way you look in your clothes before you run out the door. Find curves you like. Find flatness you never noticed. Find a slim spot that makes you smile. Then pull out a pre op photo, and find another dozen or so places on your new body that make you happy. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself... look at the face in the pre op photo. Who is the happier person? Celebrate your success instead of creating failure where it doesnt exist. Find your smile! Post op life is what you make of it, nothing more and nothing less.
Ciao,
Susan Maria
'I find that I am one of those people who still finds too many faults in me. WHY?? Because it was what was taught to me, I learned it all of my life.
Ahhh you're not 110 pounds and you should be, thats the idea weight for you. Hmmm I wonder who determines the ideal weight for me? Shouldnt it be ME who decides??
Many of us had fathers, mothers, husbands or some figure in our life that drilled it into us that we were worthless, fat and unworthy of being loved. So the only way we know how to respond is to criticize ourselves.
It's not something we chose to do, it is something we are taught to do.
The shorts I had on yesterday in the office are a size 3, and I said
something about my big butt. In reality I realize my butt couldnt be too
horribly big in a size 3. That's what I have been told all my life...
that I have a big butt and big legs. I had a set of 70 inch hips before
surgery. I would love to put on those size 3 shorts and say I look damn
good in these, and sometimes I do. Then all those years of being told
I am fat, although I wasnt at the time, makes me second guess that.'
- Teresa
'Teresa, this perfectly sums up what most of us dealt with as kids. "You would be so pretty if you weren't so heavy", "Do you really need to eat that?", "You are so fat".....and THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH OUR BODIES!
When I was going through therapy, I read a book called "No Matter What You Were Taught, There is Nothing Wrong With You," by Cheri Huber....for me it was a life changing book, because I was able to see for the first time, that I was merely learing what I was taught...that I was unloveable because I was fat. It is still a journey of unlearning those "lessons" that I was taught at such an early age.
A key to know the difference between what you were taught and what you are really feeling inside is when you use the word "SHOULD". It means it's someone else's tape playing in your head, not yours. It's called "shoulding on yourself". If you find yourself looking in the mirror and thinking "I should have smaller thighs, I should have a flat tummy, I should be thinner, I should I should I should" that is your cue to STOP THE TAPE!!! Mentally pop the tape out and replace it with a blank one, one you get to write on yourself....."Wow, look at how much smaller my face is!", "My thighs are definitely going down!", "My stomach, my stomach! I need new clothes because everything is falling off of me!!"
IT'S YOUR TURN TO DECIDE WHAT THE TAPE SAYS! This is your time to be kind to yourself, because this is YOUR journey, YOUR decision, YOUR life....and YOU GET TO CHOOSE!! You get to choose how you feel about yourself, you get to choose what to wear, you get to choose what messages are allowed into your life and which just aren't worthy of your time.
Look at your bodies, look at your lives, and realize just how much
you have accomplished. You are worthy of love and respect, not because
you have lost weight, but because you are who you are.'
-Lisa
Copyright
© BE, Inc. 2011 - Susan Maria Leach. All rights reserved.
